A Recurring Theme
One must totally and completely, without any reservations or hesitation, surrender and throw oneself into it
When I want rain, it is sun
When I want sun, it is rain
When I want sleep, I lie awake
When I try to stay awake, I fall asleep.
Suffering
Suffering comes from attachment. Not just any attachment, but attachment rooted in desire for control. Not just any control, but control over one’s thoughts and feelings.
Control is the culprit
The reason the desire to control one’s inner bubbling produces suffering is because it cannot be controlled. No matter how hard one tries to feel happy or not to have certain thoughts, this very quickly backfires and the result is the exact opposite. The harder we try to control the uncontrollable, the more suffering we cause ourselves.
Surrendering is the solution
For this reason, whenever we commit to a practice (such as meditation or prayer) or follow a specific kind of lifestyle in order to gain control over our inner bubbling, we become very frustrated, discouraged and even more insecure. This is because these practices (meditation and prayer at least) are designed not to give us greater control, but rather to develop in us a certain kind of attitude toward our inner (and outer) experience. This is an attitude which can be described variously as one of ‘intentional, non-judgemental acceptance’, ‘compassionate curiosity’, or ‘yielding and surrender’.
The trick is then to realise that one has no control over one’s inner weather conditions. What comes next is the work of increasingly accepting and yielding to this state of helplessness (with as much compassion as can be spared). Such work often involves some kind of practice, such as the aforementioned meditation and prayer.
A transformed relationship
As one cultivates acceptance, this leads to insight. The insight that one is not defined or limited by one’s thoughts and feelings. These come to be seen not as statements of truth about the self or reality, but as passing phenomena brushing against the screen of one’s awareness.
But the only way to achieve this kind of relationship with one’s inner experience is to realise and accept one’s inability to control it. One must totally and completely, without any reservations or hesitation, surrender and throw oneself into it. In time the need to control any thought or feeling fades for acceptance turns them from hostile foes into valuable guides.
That being said, to intentionally let go and accept is practically one of the hardest things one can do; but only in the beginning.
16th May, 2025