Thaw
How many times have I hurt you already?
And how many times will you forgive me still?
I climb to the very top of the mountain,
On the summit of emotion I stand tall,
From the highest peak I call out your name,
Hoping that my voice reaches you.
What was my first reason for hurting you?
What did you think of me then?
There are deep valleys that stretch between us,
It is the abyss of broken hope,
Its depths are greater than the ocean,
Its breath colder than icy streams.
Why was it that I sought you out again?
Why did I look for you as if nothing had happened?
I breathe in deeply and open my mouth,
Releasing the loudest shout I can muster,
That shout is still but a hushed whisper,
A sloppy mumble, confused and afraid.
How do you feel after so many disappointments?
And what do you think of all that has been?
My voice cannot cross the abyss,
So I scramble down the mountain,
At the edge of the valley I stand,
Heavy mists rise up, obscuring all, uncertainty.
What is the price of broken hope, disappointment?
What would you want if you could still want?
I wallow for a while in those endless mists,
I wade into the wide river of seeking,
Many streams push me and pull me,
I wander down and up stream, on both sides.
What should I ask now?
Where are you? Where am I?
5th December, 2023